Failing to Make the Team 2
By: Paul Olson - About Volleyball
SO YOU WERE CUT, NOW WHAT DO YOU DO?
Winners, Losers, and Fighters...
I think I read this quote in a science fiction book, but it is so true and so appropriate any situation like this. "There are three types of people in this world: winners, losers, and fighters. Winners are people who seem to have everything turn out in their favor. Losers are people who, since they are not winners, retreat into themselves and just accept it that bad things are going to happen to them and refuse to do anything about it. Fighters are people who refuse to believe that they cannot have the same things that winners do. They know and understand that they will have to work harder to get there than the winners, but they welcome the challenge and the chance to prove they can accomplish whatever they set out to do."
Do not Worry about the Winners - I am sure after each year's tryouts there were some girls who made the team for a reason other than their playing ability.
We can call those girls winners and say that they had it handed to them. You cannot alter someone else's path in life and if you spend all your time worrying about them, you will fail to make the most of your life. Do not worry about them, concentrate on what you can control - you.
Be a Fighter! - For those who did not make it, here is your chance to show your character. My favorite saying is "What someone says about you is not a reflection of you; it is a reflection of them. How you handle it is the reflection on you." Here is your chance to show the coach, your classmates, your parents, and anyone else in your life that cares about you whether you are a fighter or a loser.
This is perhaps my favorite example: One of my players is the caliber of player and person; I would happily build a team around. I would make her the focal point. She has all of the physical skills I want and all of the intangibles. She is one of the best all around players I have ever coached, yet she did not make the team. When I found out, I took it harder than she did. To demonstrate the character of this young woman, she responded by saying, "I will get better for next year." That is an exact quote, and I am happy to say that the next year, she made the team!
Her core character, the part she controls, is that of a fighter. When things did not go her way, she did not give up. She recognized that there are things beyond her control and did not let them get her down. Instead, she concentrated on the things that she could control and she made herself so good that her coach could not pass on her this year.
Parents, you can help too.
Failure To Make The Team Does Not Mean Failure In Life. As a parent, how do you handle when your child does not make her team? The first thing to do is to establish that your love was not dependant on if they made the team. They have just experienced rejection (in some cases, it will be for the first time) and they need to know that the most important adults in their life (you) still love them and care about them completely independent from their success as a volleyball player.
Encourage Them to Continue in the Sport. Next, they need to have their love of the sport protected. This kind of event could discourage them into giving up. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN! I love how the Positive Coaching Alliance puts it in one of their books (I think it was the Double Goal Coach). Frame it as an "I know you are the type of person who ________." In this case, try the following: "I know this was very discouraging, but I know you are the type of person who will overcome it and strive to do better next time." Encourage them to be a fighter. Help them to come up with a way to improve for next year's tryouts. Ask them how they want to proceed and be there to help them to get there.
Do Not Blame Youth Sports. Above all else, do not become one of those parents who gives youth sports a bad name. The coach has every right to choose the team that they want to put onto the court. After all, they are the one who is responsible for how the team performs. I am very familiar with many of the players who did make the team at my daughter's school as well as many players who did not. I have coached many of them on my teams, at camps or clinics or in some cases against them. When I look at the players who mad the team compared to those who did not, I am left scratching my head in bewilderment. I think I am qualified to have an opinion on how this was handled, not only because of my experience as a coach, but also because of my experience with the players. There is a strong temptation to make my opinions know to anyone within the school who will listen, but I will refrain and I hope you do as well.
Final Thoughts: If you do not make the team and you love the sport, keep playing. It may never pay off as a volleyball player. However, it will teach you to be a fighter, a skill that can carry you far in life.
